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Having said all that, I only give Superman Returns 3 stars.
If you really love Superman please stop reading, because now I am going to critique him ... and the movie.
First of all, after who knows how many movies they made of Superman, I'm a little tired of Lex Luthor and the kryptonite ploy. If I were Superman, in the very first movie of "Superman, the Movie" starring Christopher Reeves, right after dropping off Lex Luthor in the prison yard, I would have gone to great lengths to do "kryptonite clean up" over the entire earth. In fact, I would have a secret kryptonite spy network so the moment one of those pesky rocks dropped out of the sky, poof! Blow it right back out into space right into the sun. Who's to say that Lex Luthor is the only one with a beef on Superman? Can't have this stuff sitting around waiting to be used against you.
Second, apparently Superman must have thought no else would dare set foot in the Fortress of Solitude after his first "home invasion" in Superman 2. Hello! If I flew off and was gone for 5 years I might at least make arrangements to hide or lock up important stuff like the crystals "that contain all the knowledge of the 28 known galaxies!" Yikes! Just leave them sitting there for anyone to take! I know, I know! If the good guys don't make SERIOUS mistakes movies would be too short and very dull.
Last but, certainly not the least: The glasses! How dim can mankind be? "Hey, that guy over there looks just like Superman only with glasses!" Nope. You'll never hear it. Even little Jason White figured that one out. At the Daily Planet he saw Clark Kent standing next to a TV broadcasting a spot on Superman and promptly had an asthma attack. What I don't get is why he didn't say anything! Maybe the now grumpier Lois Lane who wrote an award-winning article "Why The World Doesn't Need Superman" became an abusive mother. "Not another word about Superman or so help me I'll give you something to cry about!" Poor Jason must have been threatened with death before we met him on screen. (After the bad-guy-meets-grand-piano thing hopefully things have smoothed over.) Oh well. Hopefully when I take my glasses off my church family will still recognize me.
Now to the parental advisory: This Superman movie is much darker than the other Superman movies in the past. Lex Luthor is ruthless. For small children I must warn that there is a disturbing scene where thugs beat the snot out of Superman after he has been rendered helpless by kryptonite. If your little ones really love Superman this might be scary. This scene is lengthy and excessively violent. It ends with Superman being stabbed by a crude kryptonite knife. Also, a consideration for older children, Jason White (sorry if this is a spoiler) is the son of Superman and Lois Lane ... but they aren't married. If you prefer role models without today's lifestyles then perhaps you should skip this one, along with Superman 3 (or was it 4? Can't remember!)
Mr. David
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IRON MAN
A totally sweet ride, dudes. Totally ... Okay, this movie may not be for everyone but it was a fun one to watch nonetheless. Definitely adding this one to my DVD collection! Quick summary: Weapons designer Tony Stark, along with some of Tony's weapons falls into terrorist hands. He is mortally wounded by shrapnel (flying metal from an explosion), yet saved by a man who lost his family to a terrorist faction. He saves Tony's life with a kind of electromagnet that keeps metal fragments from reaching vital organs. The refinement of this device becomes a power source for the first prototype of Iron Man, Tony's way of escape. Back home, the Iron Man design is refined and opens the door to adventure. This movie should be great for adults and older kids. If you have very young children, I only offer an advisory on violence, mild language, and one bedroom scene.
Tony, who likes weapons, women, and really doesn't respect his friends, learns that he reaps what he sows. Part of the appeal of this movie was watching Tony's growth from being self-centered to concern for others. And I've always had a thing for the Iron Man theme.
Mr. David
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THE SIMPSON'S MOVIE
In case you might be thinking about going to see the Simpson's Movie ... don't. I didn't want to see it in the first place, but I allowed someone to talk me into it. Won't let that happen again either. Oh yes, the preview for the movie seems funny, but after watching the film I felt prompted to incorporate a "garbage in, garbage out" rating system into my reviews. You will notice a 5 star rating system and a trash can rating system beside my movie reviews from now on. Here goes ...
First, I don't appreciate movies that make fun of God and the Bible. The movie starts off with this to get the plot going. Homer is shown (in church) frantically flipping through the Bible exclaiming, "This book doesn't have any answers!" Knowing that there are a lot of people who believe what they are told (even by a movie!) this is not a funny statement for me. Marge Simpson ruined the entire movie for me at the end when, during the climax of the Springfield crisis, she used God's name as a swear word. The film is filled with the usual things in the TV version of the Simpsons such as animated violence, casual swearing, and crudeness. I'm sure the movie could have been made without Bart skateboarding through the streets without any clothes. When I add everything up, I give the Simpsons Movie three trash cans. Not good.
I won't give the movie any stars, but I will acknowledge two things. Ned Flanders treats Bart with such kindness that he begins to get the idea of genuine love (a love we should all have as Christians ... even towards people like Bart!). And with hesitation ... I like the "spider pig" song. Not the one Homer sings (I'm sure that was thrown in to get everyone to come see the movie). The one I'm talking about is during the end credits music, with an orchestra and choir. That spider-pig song is hysterically funny ... but it did not redeem the movie.
After watching really bad movies, my brother and I usually don't talk about them. The Simpson's Movie was one of those movies. If we don't talk about it afterwards, we feel cheated and regret spending the money (and the person who suggested seeing the movie feels even worse).
Star Rating - None, nada, zip, zilch, no banana, I want my money back ...
Trash Can Rating - 3 cans (man, something stinks in here!)
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TRANSFORMERS MOVIE
I went and saw the transformers movie. What a sweet special effects ride! The storyline was good, but if I had to rate it I would give it three out of five stars. Since the movie is rated PG-13 the commercials you watch while waiting for the movie are kind of bad (remember, garbage in, garbage out). When the Decepticons begin their attack on earth, those scenes are cool, but they are pretty intense. There's a wicked scorpion machine that might give some younger children nightmares. There is some bad language here and there, and a heart-to-heart talk between two parents and their teenage boy becomes adult humor. But you have to admit, they did a good job making those robots transform into jets, cars, trucks, and whatever else you can think of. (I especially enjoyed the cell phone that transformed into a tiny attack robot with a machine gun. Think twice about sticking your favorite gadget up to your ear, cell phone users!) For those of you who enjoyed the cartoon series, this movie shouldn't disappoint you.
Star Rating - 3 stars
Trash Can Rating - 2 cans for violence, language, and bad preview commercials
Mr. David
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